The Ask

Early on a chilly January morning this year, I went to church, probably excited about a new year and the new beginnings that would take place. I'm sure my brain was dreaming up New Year's resolutions for myself - all the books I wanted to read, all the time I wanted to spend exercising - the usual. However, my church had their own form of New Year's resolutions that they invited us to join in, which they called The Ask. The Ask ended up being my New Year's resolution from God. The Ask transformed my life, my year, and has been the best "New Year's resolution" that I've ever made or rather, accepted. 

The Ask 

The Ask is a simple but novel concept. The main idea is "If you could ask God of anything, what would you ask?" and furthermore, "Why aren't you asking Him of it (oh, you of little faith)?" The basic premise was to pray about what we should ask God for in the 2012 year, then commit to what we are asking for, and then to ask by "prayer and petition" all year until that prayer is answered. Members of the church were handed a card with James 4:2 printed on it (pictured above), which reads "...you do not have, because you do not ask God." This verse is the core of the The Ask. Why do we continually struggle with issues when we could ask God to change us? Why do we hope for things that we are not even asking God for? Ultimately, the question comes down to "Why is your faith so small?" 

Along with our personal "ask," the church was also asking for 500 new members of the church, many of which they desired to be brand new Christians, experiencing Christ for the first time in their lives. My church asked big because the members' faith is big. The church encouraged me to ask big of God as well. And that's just what I did. 

My "Ask" 

I knew right away what God was urging me to ask for in 2012. It didn't take long for me to fill out the portion of the card that read "What I'm asking God for in 2012." Quickly, I wrote to be set free from anxiety and worry. Worry seems to have plagued me for most of my life. Before being confronted with The Ask, I had let my worry and anxiety get the best of me most of the time, and it was only getting worse. Days that could have been happy were ruined by anxiety sapping it away. I had been praying for my worry to go away, but that's not at all how God wanted my worry to go away. The Ask brought me to a struggle that I could no longer let continue in my life. Worry and anxiety was ruining all my chances to experience the freedom that God actually intends for us. 

And so, I asked... 

Actually asking God for my "ask" was not hard at first. I was inspired, and I continued to pray the same way I had before. At first, it seemed like I was asking God to remove worry, as if it were some thing in my life. Just take it away, Lord! But praying about worry to just magically go away and to instantly have such great faith in God that I don't ever worry is honestly just a wasted prayer to me now. It requires a lot more prayer and a lot more change than a single "make it happen" prayer like that. I've found out that God is actually not a magician as I had once hoped. He does not have a magic wand. God is not Merlin. God is God and He works all things together for our good (even when it doesn't seem "good" at the time). God is so much bigger than a magician and has so much more in store for me than I ever seem to think. 

I had to ask a lot more than to "please be free from anxiety and worry." I was urged to dive in deeper, a lot deeper. And that's why I'm writing about this in the first place. I am knee deep (maybe even neck deep) in dealing with my worry/anxiety with God on my side. I am not alone in this fight against my sin (because, yes, worry is a sin as it means I'm doubting God). God has pushed me to face what causes my worry and anxiety, to see what lies I am believing that inhibit my faith and growth, and to be completely and honestly known by Him. And let me tell you - all that is not what I had in mind when I first asked God for freedom. I wasn't asking Him to bring up all the baggage I didn't even know was still hanging around. I didn't ask to deal with difficult thoughts and habits. But this is God's way of freeing me from worry. It's the hard way, but it's the only way that will deliver lasting results. 

A Picture of Freedom 

As it's been mentioned in my church circles, God doesn't set us free from things magically and instantly. God doesn't leap to action and fix it all every time we pray. But why? He certainly has the power to, so why are we left waiting? I fully believe that it is because "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). I love that verse because it's a reminder that whatever God is bringing me through now is for my good. He is never, ever out to hurt me. 

It's been hard to keep asking, to keep pursuing God when things get "hard." I get tired and lose sight of what I'm working toward. It's hard to keep bringing myself to Him, knowing I must change and that change requires work, and time, and isn't usually easy. But the work is so rewarding. To be set free from what binds me? Nothing is more valuable than that! A day without worry? That's a day of pure happiness to me. 

Some practical ways that God has been at work in my life, answering my "ask" include: 

• obviously, reduced anxiety and worry 
• my eyes opened to tons of things I didn't even know were inhibiting me spiritually and mentally 
• understanding triggers for my anxiety and worry and how to avoid or combat those triggers (with scripture or altering my attitude)
• an awesome community to help push me to keep pursuing God 
• I was called to read the book Breaking Free by Beth Moore, all about being free from our strongholds, with some girlfriends. It was an amazing experience! I would not be where I am now without the help of this book. 
• an amazing, encouraging church community that constantly pushes to get rid of idols 
• sitting down and taking the time to truly deal with my sin with God by praying, journaling, and listening to His voice 

I've learned that God truly wants to and is setting me free from worry and anxiety one baby step at a time. I have had to learn to pray and ask God with a believing heart instead of a doubting one. I've learned that this "ask" takes valuable time that will produce valuable results. My faith has grown in ways I never could have predicted, and yet it's still no where near perfect. I've learned that progress does not look like a line graph, always going up and up, but that progress ebbs and flows like an ocean. I've ultimately realized that since things are going to go up and down in this ocean of life anyway, I might as well cling to the buoy that is God instead of insist on drowning. 

If you could ask God for anything, what would you ask for? 

Daily Devotional Changes

Earlier this year, I treated myself to a new Bible. I had desperately been wanting to replace my loved but outgrown New Living Translation (NLT) Teen Study Bible. A good friend gave me that Bible as a gift when I was in 5th grade! I loved and treasured it, but I felt the need to move on to a more standard translation (that my church uses) and to a Bible that was suited for me: a married twenty-something woman.

To no surprise, my hunt began for the perfect Bible. I searched high and low in book stores, I read all the reviews on Amazon, but it took me months to actually settle on a Bible to buy. Why? Because I was so concerned about what translation to buy or what kind. There are tons of Bibles out there, so my search was only made harder by the dozens of choices there are. There are women's study Bibles, daily devotional Bibles, Bibles with the date on the top for what to read every day to read the whole Bible in a year, leather Bibles, paperback and hardback, purple and pink Bibles, ones with book marks and ones without - the options are endless! But I finally did decide to get a new Bible, the NIV New Women's Devotional Bible (by Zondervan).

The Not-so-Perfect Bible 

Thanks to modern technology, after I ordered it I was able to track where it was until I received it in the mail. I was highly anticipating the new Bible. I had finally made a decision, and the perfect Bible will soon be here! I thought. When it arrived, I opened it as soon as I could. I was seriously never more excited in my life to open a package (hey, it's not often that you replace your Bible!). Upon opening it, I was immediately disappointed. My "perfect" Bible already had a dented-in corner of it's sturdy hardback cover. *Sigh* It was "tainted" from the start.

My old and new Bible

Then, upon opening it and checking it out, I realized that there were no side notes or extra footnotes like my previous Bible had. The book had no dazzling "extras" like my study Bible; it was the Word and one page daily devotionals. That's it?! I thought. Before I ordered it, I think I must have assumed that the new Bible would be everything my old Bible was and more, that it was the same but even "better." But it wasn't the same at all. The layout was different and it was "missing" all the handy explanations that I was used to. I was disappointed again for I felt that it lacked something it should have (and oh, how wrong I was!).

Furthermore, something that drove me absolutely bonkers when I first used this Bible is that it has days of the week printed on the bottom of the devotional pages. So it will say "Monday" on a certain devotional, and "Tuesday" on the next, and so on. This irritated me because, if you are to start in Genesis at the beginning, the first devotional is labeled Monday. But the beginning of every year does not start on a Monday! I seriously let this small imperfection (in my mind anyway) drive me crazy for a while. To me, the days of the week should have been left out so you could start anywhere and not be "off" on your days. And if I got "off" on my days of the week, I would do multiple devotionals or skip devotionals just to be on the "right" day of the week!

I once thought this Bible was so lacking mostly because it was just structured so differently than my previous Bible. My previous Bible is a study Bible meant for newer Christians with a lot of questions. The Bible had all kinds of explanations of verses, question and answer sections, a great subject index, end of book discussion questions, and more. This was the only Bible I had ever had, so I assumed that all Bibles had all this stuff in it. Unless you get a study Bible, most Bibles actually don't have any extras at all. My own expectations led me to believe that my new Bible wasn't "perfect" enough. I even went back to my old Bible for a while because I was so reluctant to change. I wanted to like the new Bible, but it was hard for me to adapt to a new way of doing my devotionals. 

The Perfect Bible 

Despite my feelings then, God has shown me that this Bible is so perfect for me in so many ways. All of the little things that I chose to let irritate me for the first day or week that I had the Bible have subsided. I don't mind the dents, and now there are even more dents from all the times I use it. I don't mind that there aren't little extras because now I actually focus on the Word of God instead of human explanation of what it "truly means." And I don't mind the days of the week on the pages anymore either - if I get "off" on my days, it'll work itself out sooner or later.

Because I've stuck with the devotional plan and have actually been experiencing what God intends for me to see, read, and feel - all of my previous feelings of doubt have dramatically changed in a matter of months. The start of the devotional plan started out rocky because I was reluctant to change, because I wanted "perfection" that only I could fathom, that I thought I was responsible for. I was fearing that the reading plan wasn't going to be right or enough. But it's more than enough - it's my daily bread that I can't wait to get to in the morning. Sometimes, that day's reading will be spot on with what I am feeling, needing, or praying about. And I just can't help but think that there is anything more perfect than God working in my life like that!

In the end, there should be no question about whether or not there is a "perfect" Bible waiting for you out there. The Bible is perfect. As Psalm 18 says, "The Lord's word is flawless." While I was foolish to believe that I could somehow deliver to myself a perfect kind and translation of Bible, the devotional Bible that I currently use is absolutely perfect for me for where I am now. God put it in my hands for a reason - to grow and change me! It's not always easy to say yes to change when He comes knocking, but He is always changing things for the better, despite what we feel or think. Now my devotional reading is my favorite time of the day.

What are your thoughts? Could your devotional time use a God-sized make-over like mine?