Where I am with Perfectionism

Something I've been mulling over in my mind as the year comes to a close is where I am and what progress I've made this year. I started this blog with the intention of further understanding my perfectionistic tendencies and attempting to find ways to be free of the never-ending trap of perfectionism. This blog has been a great start in exploring that part of my life more, but it hasn't been as open as I once envisioned. I love to blog  about food, fitness, and my dog (like every other foodie/fitness blogger!), but perfectionism is really what I want to tap into more. Admittedly, it's hard to be so "real" with something as personal as being a perfectionist. It's easy to admit that I am a perfectionist, but it's harder to explain how I am that way, and get into the not-always-pretty details of what that sometimes looks like for me. Right now, I just want to give an update on where I am in this moment in time with still being a perfectionist.

Firstly, I wanted to shed some light on some specific ways that I am a perfectionist. If you're read any of my other posts, a lot of these things are probably apparent, but here's an inclusive list: 

• My appearance - How I look is a big deal to me. I can get perfectionistic with my hair, how my clothes fit, what my make-up looks like, etc. This also gets into what I physically look like as well, including weight. While I feel I am usually comfortable in my own skin, I still have moments of "am I the right weight?" and "do I look like I should/want to?" 

• What I eat - This area tends to come and go. I will go through times of intense tracking of what I eat, which, as a perfectionist and plan type of person, naturally appeals to me. I like to track my food on the My Fitness Pal app, which is really useful and helped me lose weight in the past. But sometimes this just frustrates me too. Then I get into periods of not tracking my food at all, not really planning meals, and this usually leaves me feeling like I'm not doing "enough" to eat healthy and stay on top of what I eat. 

• Cleaning - Anyone who has known me for any period of time knows that I am literally obsessed with cleaning. I have always been neat, tidy, and have the love of all-things clean. Since having my own apartment with my husband, I've realized even more how sort of crazy-obsessed I can become with tidying and cleaning. 

• My Faith - I've had ups and downs this year in my relationship with God. It's something that's very important to me, but even this part of who I am is not left untouched from my desires for perfection. Although I trust God, I don't trust Him enough, and I still have a performance-based faith a lot of the time. This is driven by my own pressures that I put on myself. I go through periods of knowing His grace and love for me - realizing that He loves me regardless of what I do or don't do - and I also go through periods of thinking that my efforts to have a relationship with Him aren't enough, that I am not enough for God. 

• Relaxing in general - Just in the past few months, I've been finding it increasingly hard to just sit back and relax. It's like I have to give myself permission to stop wanting to do all the things I want to do (read, blog, clean some more...) and just let go. This is so hard for me since my drive for things to be perfect can be so fiery at times. Sitting down and not working so hard to achieve things? That's an option? These are the thoughts that go through my head. And sometimes, even when I mentally try to let myself chill out, minutes later, I find my mind chugging away at all I "have to do" again. 

Secondly, I want to note that while I tend to struggle with these specific areas, my general "perfectionism" has gotten tremendously better this year. I think in a way, I feel like I should have made more progress or that I shouldn't struggle with anything at all since I set my mind on making progress in this area this year. But of course I still struggle. I may always struggle with it, even if just a teeny little bit. In my attempt to accomplish good, I overstep and am riddled with worry and self-doubt at times because I so long for things to be just right. But so often, things aren't just right. My clothes don't fit right that day. I didn't have time for a workout. I have to leave the apartment a mess. The bread I was going to eat is moldy. I missed my daily devotional again. This isn't my everyday, but this is life. Life isn't perfect, and I wrestle with that fact in times like these. All these areas listed above are just a few of the ways that I see my life impacted by wanting perfection. 

But sometimes I just have to remember that happiness is a choice to make every day, and that I'm the one that chooses my actions. It's hard to step out of certain perfectionist-y habits that I have because they're just that - habits. But becoming aware of my insecurities has helped me tremendously to see just how to promote change in myself. 2012 was my year to start really recognizing and coming to terms with me: the perfectionist. I'm hopeful for 2013 to begin breaking out of habits I want to see changed and progress even more into the person I desire to be: a person happy with herself and her life, imperfections and all.

• Question for you: How are you a "perfectionist," even if you don't consider yourself one? What one habit about yourself do you want to change?

Book Review { The Relief of Imperfection }

Whoa, it's November! Just last week was Halloween, but I feel like the holiday came and went faster than I could blink, and now "the holidays" are already in full swing! What happened? Sometimes I feel like fall flies by so fast. Anyway! I got the chance to finally finish a book that I started earlier this year. I am the kind of person who tends to get really excited about books and so I start reading many books at once. This habit keeps me from finishing books for a long time, as I like to read a little bit of each over a course of time (I wouldn't recommend this reading habit!). The book is called The Relief of Imperfection by Joan C. Webb. This is the book that inspired the name and the general topic of this blog. Because this book had such a big impact on me, I'm going to give a quick review of the book. Enjoy!

The Relief of Imperfection

So much of what Webb writes in this book is easy to relate to. Even if you don't consider yourself "perfectionistic," her words have depth and truth that I'm sure all women can relate to. While the book is Christian based with many Bible verses fluttering in and out of her text, it is a lot less Christ-focused than other Christian books I've read. This is a good and a bad thing. Sometimes I felt as if Webb is merely talking about perfectionism as a problem that women have that can't be solved, and sometimes I felt that she was talking about how perfectionism can be relieved by the truth that Christ has saved and forgiven. While I'm sure Webb meant the latter, sometimes I was a little lost as to how to get over perfectionistic tendencies. Overall, the book is specific enough to relate to but broad enough to realize that you must personalize the information given to understand the "how" part for yourself. Overall, she offers good advice that isn't too "trying to fix your problems" minded but is still realistic and helpful.

The book is neatly divided into sections such as "Imperfect Families and Relationships" or "Imperfect Churches and Culture." She divides the book up in chunks so that you can see the truth in all the areas that perfection takes over - and so you can see how imperfection marks all areas of life. At the end of each section, there is something called a "relief guide," which is basically a few pages of questions about the section to help you better understand the material and to personalize it. I did most of them, but not all. They were helpful and not too long. Being a perfectionist herself, Webb gives you the choice of not doing the relief guides, which I felt was really helpful. Often when I read a self-help book like this, I feel that I simply must do the workbook part or I'm not doing it right. Clearly, she thought with the mind of an over-doing when including that disclaimer :)

Webb offers a real glimpse at a totally overworked, over-trying life - the life she once had and is admittedly still recovering from. She admits to many faults of her own and shows how the Holy Spirit and a greater trust in the Lord has helped her become the better, less exasperated self that she is now. It's a relief hearing her story, knowing that God still loves us, despite how much we may over-try or even doubt ourselves. Her words are comforting, funny, and smile-able.

This book has had a huge impact on my understanding of that life is not perfect and that imperfect is okay. Those are two pretty big pills to swallow for someone who loves order, control, and for everything to be perfect. At the end of the book, I am not a recovered perfectionist. But neither is the author! She truly describes her life as always a work in progress, not striving for perfection in letting go of perfectionism, but embracing reality with the Lord on her side.

End Notes 

This book is a great starting point for fellow perfectionists. I would even recommend it to people who don't consider themselves perfectionistic at all because there is a lot of truth about human nature in her words. You don't have to be a "perfectionist" to want perfection; you merely have to be human, which we all are. This book is something I plan to come back to later in life as well. There are a lot of great reminders about who God is not - a slave driver - and who God is - a lover of your soul, no matter what or how you do life. That basic idea helps shed the "perfect" skin that hides the imperfect inside. Understanding what areas of your life you try to perfect and how to combat those tendencies by replacing them with healthy habits and ideas, the road to lasting joy is near. This road also happens to be very imperfect.

Have you ever read a self-help book similar to this? Does this book sound like something you would read, even if you're not a "perfectionist" by nature? 

New Series: What's stealing your joy?

Hey Internet!

I've been all kinds of busy lately, and sometimes blogging just doesn't make it into my schedule. Blog topics always seem to be brewing in my head, but actually making time to write them is a whole other animal. Anyway, a topic that has really resonated with me lately is this: what is taking away from the joy you could have? What things, activities, habits, or strongholds in your life are preventing you from being happy in your every day life? Life is not always about being happy, but certain patterns and habits in our lives can take hold when they shouldn't. For me, all of 2012 has really been about discovering how to live intentionally instead of living a life that is driven by culture, which so often leads to many joyless days.

In this series, I will cover many reasons why joy can vanish so quickly from our busy lives. The goal of this series is to explore things in your life that really shouldn't be there, or things that have taken such a hold on you, that it's sucking your happiness dry. This series is a four-part blog series that will cover some serious joy stealers. The topics are:

• Social Media and Other Things that Waste Our Time 
• Two Friends I Know too Well: Worry and Anxiety 
• The Pursuit of What? When Body Image Issues Take Over 
• Doubt, Fear, Insecurity and Anything Else I May have Missed 

I'm excited to launch this series and delve deep into some hard topics. I am passionate about creating and building the best life I can but while also still being happy doing it! Too much of what we are fed on a daily basis is about perfection, and this series seeks to dive right through the heart of the matters that affect people the most. I hope you're as excited as I am for this new series. There are obviously a lot of other topics I could cover with this topic. Is there something specific you would like to see me write about? Let me know! 

Lies about Perfection: the Truth Behind Material Goods & Self Image

Lies We Believe 

For a long time, I believed that being a perfectionist was a really good thing. I believed that aiming for perfect and nothing less was the only way that I could get what I wanted or achieve anything. Society only fueled my beliefs about perfection. We are fed lies every day about how to live and what things "should" be like. I've come to understand that society (advertising, media, social networking, retail stores, movies, TV, etc.) cons us all into three simple lies that fuel the desire for perfection and specifically, the desire for stuff. These lies are... 

If the shoe fits, buy the whole store?

1. More: Society tells us that we always need more. More things: shoes, bags, clothes. More friends (Facebook, anyone?). More aspirations. More food. More fun. There's a constant bombardment of images and advertising that drives us to think that 1) we need more and 2) that more has to be better. 

2. Better: Not only do we need more stuff, we need it to be better. More and better go hand in hand because if we already have one thing, we need the next one to be a better one. Why do you think brand names are so popular? Because we believe the lie that they're better than other brands. Stuff aside, we're told that we need to be better. Better than others. Better people in general. Better than the Jones'. (Image credit)

3. Different: The last lie that we're conned into is believing that different is good and necessary too. What we have - if it's still the same - is not good enough. But different is. You have a lot of stuff? Well, now you need different stuff! This concept is similar to comparisons. Think about it this way. Have you ever opened a magazine and thought "Why doesn't my house look like that? I wish it looked as perfect as it did in this catalog?" (Gee, I think this only every time I open Pottery Barn!) And that magazine is doing it's job of making you think that if only things in your life were different than they are now, you'd be happy. 

The Perfect Perfectionist 

As I was saying, I used to view perfection as good. After all, all these lies tell us that perfection is what we should be aiming for, that perfect is a good thing. Perfection is completely glorified by society. I used to put all these lies into action in my life, and heck, I still do at times. Sometimes I feel as though we are wired to want more, better, and different things. What we have, can it ever be enough? But once I saw the truth behind these lies, I realized how empty perfection really becomes.

Constantly striving for more leaves you empty because, truthfully, when will it be enough? I know some women who would argue that they can "never have enough shoes" (or really, anything. Fill in the blank. Purses, lipstick, sunglasses?). But as with the picture above, when is it enough? Could you ever look at a fantastic shoe closet like that of the picture and think, "It is finished." No, you never really could. You could pretend to be content for a while. But then, you'd see another great pair of shoes and think you need it. There's always more stuff to be had, and as long the lie is believed,  we will desire more.

Body Perfection

These lies are actually only a few of many, many deep rooted lies that we believe every day. Another lie that I personally believed for a long time was that I had to look perfect. What woman doesn't believe this lie? Every magazine or image of women in the media is portraying a perfected version of women. Airbrushed skin, tons of make up, smiling and happy, thin. And then, images of women who are not perfect are highly criticized (Inquirer with cellulite-laden celebs on it ring a bell?) Everything about the modern world screams for women to be thin, done up, and perfect-looking. Every cover of a woman's magazine targets weight, fashion, trends, and fitness. Whether or not you realize how big of an impact media has on body image and this whole perfection nonsense altogether, media drives a huge portion of what we end up believing. I could go on about body image perfection (and, I probably should in another post), but I'll leave it at that for now.

All in all, I've realized that perfection is indeed a double-edged sword. The idea of perfect is inherently good until it becomes a weapon of lies used against us to keep us from being satisfied.

What lies do you feel you're believing in? Is our current world's desires and trends keeping us from being happy?

Perfecting Time Spent

At the beginning of this month, I just finished my last college class and am no longer working. I allowed myself to have an entire month off to do what I pleased without worrying about a job yet. I promised myself that I wouldn't start looking for jobs until September 1st, just so I had time to enjoy an obligation-free lifestyle for just a bit.

Well, doesn't that sound heavenly, if it ever were to happen! Doesn't it always seem like what you have isn't good enough? This whole time that I have had "time off" I have actually spent worrying about how to spend my time. The way I saw it at the beginning of the month was that, if I had all this time - a month! - obligation free, work free, school and homework free - I had better use all the time to the best of my ability. What this translated into was wanting uber productivity every single day (aka unrealistic expectations!).

I'm training for the half marathon. I've had several items on my to do list for what seem like months. I have a stack of books begging to be read. And I have an 8 month old puppy to entertain and keep track of! In my eyes, there was so much I wanted to accomplish this month. This is a good thing except that it turned into a bad thing because of the pressure I put on myself. Pressure to extend my to do list, do more, read more, run more - just plain more period. And because of this mindset, I realized something important about myself: I am addicted to action. In the back of my mind somewhere, I believe the lie that I must always be doing something or I am useless. I certainly can't sit and write in a journal for an hour because it's just sitting there. I certainly can't go on a walk for fun. I also can't go take a nap because it feels good (and I need it). I am so addicted to action and productivity at times that I am unable to relax, enjoy life, and just take it easy like I wanted to this month. What a way to spend a precious month off!

I dreamed of having so much time that I could do so many things. I dreamed of filling my time with all this meaningful, interesting stuff so that when I do get a job, I wouldn't regret not utilizing that time. When I get a job, will I have time to read, run whenever I want, meal plan, play with Beans, sit on Pinterest for hours, organize stuff? Probably not, or at least not as much. So I feel as if I've guilted myself into thinking that I must use this time off to get things done so I'm "on top of it all" when I do have a job. But when are we ever on top of life?!

But you know what? I have done a lot! I've been plenty productive, but because I am apparently my own personal slave driver, I failed to see it until now. I was talking to my mom yesterday, explaining this to her, and she said I should make an "accomplished list" instead of a to do list. I started to give this list some thought, and I realized all that I have done. Yesterday, my day didn't go quite as planned and I didn't get done "nearly what I should have," so I felt disappointed with how I'd spent my time. But when I reflected on how I had spent my day versus how I hadn't, I felt really accomplished. Yesterday I vacuumed and deep cleaned my whole car, I met with a friend for coffee and we had great conversation, and then I went on a run in the evening. There's three pretty cool things I did. Yet so often my mind focuses on the ten things I didn't do.

Why this is, I can only assume because I am a perfectionist. I believe more is better, and I demand more from myself daily. While a lot of this month was spent in anxious anticipation for what I was going to do next, I have understood that I've actually been productive, but also that I haven't spent every waking minute of this month in unhappiness or anxiety. The more I demand from myself, the more time I need to de-stress. A couple of ways I de-stress or aim to reduce stress in my life are...

• Let something go unfinished. Last night, I was knee deep in my meal planning at midnight. Why on earth I was meal planning at midnight is beyond me, but I realized it was late and I was exhausted. I just had to stop. I closed my laptop without hesitation and put myself before my work, letting the project go unfinished until later. Sometimes you just have to leave something, even if you desire to finish it right then. Leaving work is a good thing because it puts you in charge of what you do instead of letting the work rule you. 

• Just do what you love. So often I think, "Oh, I'd love to take a bath this week." But in the back of my head, I know I won't let myself or ever get around to it. Sometimes I just have to wake up and let myself do something I deserve. I don't have to work on projects and to do lists forever. I am allowed a break, whether that means a bath or a trip to Starbucks. You deserve it. 

• Set lower expectations. This is a hard one for me. Sometimes, I get a little nuts with my to do lists, thinking if I merely write something down that it ensures that I will do it. Often, I make daily schedules the night before for everything I'm going to do the next day. But I also often make this schedule without any regards to the 24 hours that are allotted to one day! I often have to remind myself to be realistic. If getting two big tasks done in one day and resting for the rest is realistic, that's what I should aim for (not aiming getting two day's worth of to do lists done in one day). 

• Mono-task. I've seen and read this everywhere lately, but it's true. Don't aim for multitasking. Aim for doing one thing at a time. This is close to impossible with my multiple tabs in Google Chrome, music playing, phone going off next to me, to do list staring at me, and the dog vying for my attention all at the same time! But it's much more rewarding to just sit and do one thing, complete it, and move on than come back to it twenty times. 

This weekend the hubs and I are spending away at a marriage retreat. I'm planning on using this weekend to totally unplug from the world and just enjoy some time away. As for the rest of August, I think I need to give myself a little break before the job searching starts!

What ways do you de-stress? Do you ever feel "addicted to action?"

The Cleaning Perfectionist

Happy Monday! I usually love Monday, believe it or not, because it's my designated cleaning day. If there's one thing anyone should know about me, it's that I love to clean. I am the queen of cleaning. Right now, my schedule permits for me to dedicate a whole day to clean my entire apartment, which I'm so thankful for. I know some people who clean in rotations and what not, but I do it all in a day. And since my space is so small, there's really not a ton to clean anyway. So what do I mean by clean my whole apartment? I dust and wipe everything down, mop the floors, vacuum (okay, usually I get the hubs to do this one), do all the laundry, and tidy everything in sight. Might sound a little overkill to do all that every week for an apartment that just two people and a dog live in, but I go nuts if I don't have my cleaning day!

Why Cleaning?

Why I love cleaning so much is still quite a mystery to me. I really don't know why some people are okay with never cleaning (and they're happy, too) but people like me are compulsive cleaners. Why such a difference? I think. But everyone is different, and I truly feel like I've always been obsessed with organizing and cleaning. When I try to pinpoint when it happened or why I am like this, but I just don't know. I just am! But I can think of a few reasons why I may love cleaning so much.

Control: Cleaning offers a sense of control for me. Sometimes I can't relax until things are clean (mostly just because I hate looking at the mess) but also because I feel like I should and can have control of my environment. When things are not clean and organized, I feel out of control and like things are chaotic.

Instant Gratification: Cleaning provides instant relief for me. I see a mess. I clean it up. It's done in a matter of seconds. There's no waiting. And voila! I am happy because I just made a difference in my environment that I can see.

Therapeutic: Cleaning is like cheap therapy for me. When things are clean, I feel accomplished and at ease. I can sit back and take in my clean apartment with a sense of relief instead of a sense of dread when it's messy. Cleaning also keeps me busy, and when my hands are busy, my mind lets go enough to find relief from all my busy thoughts. Whenever I have a bad day or I'm in a bad mood, I usually instinctively turn to cleaning to chill myself out. It's quite a de-stresser for me.

When Cleaning Gets Carried Away 

There could definitely be worse things to be obsessed with, but sometimes I feel pretty bogged down by loving cleaning so much. Sure, I get a sense of relief when I have a clean apartment, but how long does that last? Well, considering that I don't live by myself in a vacuum - not very long! Cleaning is something that doesn't actually provide lasting satisfaction because it has to be done over and over again. And sometimes I get so stuck in the mode of "I-just-cleaned-that!" that keeping things clean actually just annoys me to no end. The problem is when I place my happiness in cleaning, when I let the therapeutic aspects of cleaning become what I crave, and when I focus so much on whether things are clean or not as if life is so black and white, that's when the happiness is drained from me.

This is something that ebbs and flows with me. Sometimes I idolize cleaning. It does make me happy to have a clean house, and why shouldn't it? I just spent the whole day fixing up my place. But when I take that accomplished feeling too far, I am just setting myself up for disappointment. I have to continually remind myself that cleaning is temporary and fleeting. And I also have to remind myself to take things less seriously, to care less about the mess. This kind of thinking is like unlearning everything that I know, but I'd rather work toward unlearning my crazy thinking than continue thinking crazy!

I've tried to change my cleaning habits a few times, but it's pretty hard for the cleaning lady in me to resist a mess. Once I tried to limit myself to two or three times a day that I was "allowed" to pick up clutter. I did this in an attempt to free myself of feeling like I was a cleaning lady in my own home all day. I would end up wasting so much time just walking around picking stuff up. This was also when Beans was younger and it seemed like things were always a mess (oh, wait, that's still not over). But, just like when you go on a diet, the one thing you can't have, you want more than ever! So that plan didn't work out too well. Right now, I just try to keep in mind how much time I may be wasting picking up or cleaning. To me, there's nothing wrong with cleaning as long as it doesn't interfere with what I should be, want to be, or need to be doing. If there's nothing going on, sure, I can pick up for five minutes. If I've been trying to write a blog post all afternoon, I shouldn't keep getting up to fold the laundry in between! ;)

Are you a crazy cleaning lady too? Do you have any good cleaning tips that help you stay on top of things better?

The Perfect Planner

Being a wee bit of a perfectionist, I am undoubtedly in love with planners. I'm pretty sure that ever since elementary school when they gave you the giant cheesy planner at the beginning of the school year, I have been smitten with planners. In the past few years, I've always used Victoria's Secret Pink's student planner. It changes slightly from year to year, but the basic premise is the same. While I've relied on these planners for years, being almost done with college, I figured it was time to move on from the "student" planner. I got a new planner at Target the other day (my favorite store ever, possibly?). I guess this could be considered a student planner still since the dates range from July to June, but it wasn't labeled as a student planner, so it's a big girl planner, right? ;) Anyway, I love the simplicity but modernity of it, the design, and the crisp feel of the new pages. What's not to love?

Besides the sheer joy that I get from paper goods, planners help me actually plan out my life. Understanding how to use my time has been one of the most useful aspects of growing up. It's certainly not easy to get the hang of time management, but once you commit to enough activities in life, you realize it's essential. Below are some of my tips about time management.

Some tips on Time Management from a Perfectionist 

1. Be Real. Firstly, be realistic with the amount of time you have and the amount of activities you can fit into that time period. Too often, I'll sit down with my planner and try to fit a weeks worth of activities into a single day. I think we all hope to accomplish so much and be so productive, but there's a point where my planning can get unrealistic. Making a list of what I actually want to accomplish in a given time period is my favorite place to start because it puts things into perspective. If you realize you have a whole month to do a certain project, there's no use rushing through it in a week just for the sake of getting it done. When it comes down to it, writing out a list of plans, what needs to be done each week, or just a simple to do list is the best way for me to gain perspective about how many activities I'm trying to cram into a given time period. Sometimes after I write it out, I realize it's not that much. Other times, I have to realize that my to do list may take weeks to accomplish because I have to space out the timing of my activities. Either way, perspective is the key to successful planning where I don't get totally overwhelmed.

2. Set a timer. Believe it or not, my phone calendar alarms are sometimes my best friend. This last year, I was finishing my senior year of college online. It was hard to manage my time when I was able to be home in my apartment in my jammies with a cup of coffee all day. I started using a set schedule to start "class" as if it were an appointment. You can do the same thing for when you want to workout or even when you want to be finished with a task. Sometimes I get so caught up in a task that I could do it all day. Setting a timer, whether on the microwave or your phone, can keep you in check to make sure you're utilizing time well.

3. Get a planner...and use it. It's clear that planners work for me, but I've seen too often when people get a planner and never even use it. For me, it's merely a habit. If I have a new task or event coming up, the first thing I think is to put it in my planner or I seriously will forget (and even forget after I write it down sometimes!). Making using your planner a habit is a good step toward utilizing your time. But planners don't work for everyone. If planners aren't your thing, check out all the free printables from other blogs, also commonly found on Pinterest. There are a lot of great ways to write down your plans without the use of an actual planner.

4. Just relax. The hardest part about planning for me is that my plan is just that: only a plan. What I write in my planner or on my weekly schedules are not actually set in stone as much as I'd like them to be. There is so much room for change and variation in life that there's no way that I could ever stick to my original plan - unless I lived in a bubble - and thank goodness I don't! Once I realize all that, I can relax about change in my oh so "perfect" plan and just live life day to day. I always feel it's better to have a plan, but even if I end up completely straying from that plan, it's better in my opinion than not setting goals for my time at all.

Obviously, there is no perfect way to use your time. "Perfect" is different for everyone. Some days I miss the mark on my schedule completely and think where did all the time go?! But other days, I utilize my time doing what matters most, and the results prove it. Whether or not I am always successful, planning gives me joy to know that I have a say in how I use my time.

What are your time management tricks?

If everything were just perfect

I've spent the greater part of my life shooting for the stars and then becoming really frustrated and bitter when my bow and arrow shot short. I've wrestled with perfection like any girl, but I've let my ways and the pressure of the world weigh me down. While my goal is not to blog solely about perfectionism, I've got to address the basics first. I admit that I'm a perfectionist. I'm not really sure where the story begins, if I was born this way, or if my little egocentric, narcissistic self grew into believing that things had to be perfect. I assume it's a combination of both factors. Either way, recently, something finally clicked where I realized two things: that I am certainly a perfectionist to the point where it's a problem, and thankfully, that things don't have to stay this way.

Defining it as a problem 

When I started to understand my perfectionistic tendencies as behavior that was interfering with my happiness and well-being, I began the road to change. Before I knew better and understood my faulty ways, I used to use blame as a source of coping, blaming myself and others unfairly. I would think things like This outfit doesn't look good because I'm terrible at putting clothes together! or The house is a mess because you messed up my perfection! Obviously, these statements are a little exaggerated, but not by much. I used to think there had to be a reason for why things were not perfect. Sometimes there is a reason, but most of the time, it's just life! But blaming myself only made me dislike myself and put myself down instead of build myself up. And blaming others only caused grief and distance in important relationships. Even if the blame wasn't verbalized, I still maintained the mindset in my head that something or someone was out to ruin my perfect ways. How selfish and ugly is that?

However, by defining perfectionism as a problem, I was able to recognize my behavior better and realize there's not always someone to blame, and even if something is technically someone else's fault - I had to learn to let it go anyway. Ultimately, realizing that perfection is a problem has made me more aware of just how imperfect things actually are and that they're actually intended to be that way. Some days, I still feel like everything is working against me, but other days I can let the imperfects in with acceptance.

I am not made to be perfect 

Although I've done study on my own, my church and Bible study has been the best source of my understanding of perfection. The most important thing that has changed my viewpoint is Christ. The most important fact I've learned recently is that only Christ is perfect. It was pretty hard for me to wrap my head around that there is only one perfect person who set foot on this earth, and his name is Jesus. This is obviously a pretty big subject that I could devote multiple blog posts to, but the basic idea is that perfection is Godly, not humanly. I like to search my Bible app for good verses, and when I search for "perfection" or "perfect" there is not one verse that comes up that says humanity or any human is perfect - besides Jesus. Things like God's love, God's law, Jesus, the salvation He provides, and faith are perfect. Not humans, outfits, houses, relationships, or feelings.

While this idea is still penetrating the depths of my heart, I do understand that I am not supposed to be or made to be perfect here on earth. And when I honestly realize that - wait a minute! - I'm off the hook from trying to be perfect? That's the moment when I can finally breathe and take rest.

Growing Every Day 

Okay, so I'm not an expert on any of this. I'm simply excited that I've found some truth in my life that I can cling to - truth that has changed my ways and truly given me joy. I can be happy even when my $5 Starbucks drink wasn't made right (thank goodness they'll remake it for free, right?). I can be happy when the size 5 doesn't even button but the size 7 is huge (oh, cheap clothes). I can rejoice in the fact that no one ever said I had to be perfect, pretend to be perfect, or die trying. I actually get to be me. Imperfectly, undoubtedly me.

But I still have so much to learn. There are still days when I crack under the pressure of invisible society. There are still days when I wish my hair, nails, outfit, diet, house, and mood could all be perfect the whole day through (oh, and if the stars could be aligned too, that would be nice). But life isn't a fairy tale where every dream comes true. I'm glad I woke up from the dream that perfection lured me into believing could be reality. Each day is another step toward accepting imperfections in myself and my surrounds and embracing the things that not only can't change, but that I was never meant to change in the first place.

Do you struggle with perfectionistic tendencies? How do you deal with them?

Freeing Imperfections: Embracing the Imperfect in Every Day

Hello, World! First post... better be a good one, eh? Well, here it goes! Like most anyone with a blog on the internet, I have an idea that I think it would be better shared instead of cooped up in my head all the time. I'm not sure if you'll agree, but we're about to find out, right?

So, here's the idea: life is imperfect. You're probably saying, Yup, already knew that. What a novel idea! Well, if you're any bit human or anything like me, you've probably had to wrestle with that idea, grow with that idea, and learn from that idea. Things are not perfect. We all know this, but so often I see others and myself forget this simple notion. Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) I want things to be just so, as good as they can be, just how I like them, and in essence - completely perfect! I'm a firstborn in my family, I definitely have a type-A personality, and I have a natural knack for organizing everything from my sock drawer down to my bobby pins. But even if you're not a - dare I say it - perfectionist, even the most opposite person of a perfectionist still wrestles with the lack of control that we all have as humans.

Simply put, no matter how hard I may strive, perfection is out of my grasp. And when I believe I've reached perfection, I'm either miserable inside or I've set yet another height to reach, making the pursuit of perfection an endless one. I have found myself a slave to perfection before, and sometimes still, setting all my sights on how to attain what was never intended for me to have. I've sought after perfection in my looks, emotions & feelings, relationships, home, faith, schedule, eating habits, and many other things. I've had to come to the end of myself many times and realize that I just can't keep striving for something I'll never reach. There's no point to living every day of my life reaching for something that will just not deliver, something that won't ever be good enough. I'm choosing to look past the imperfections and realize that life is what it is - imperfectly wonderful at that.

The mission of Freeing Imperfections is to:

• Provide a much needed outlet for my own personal growth and share how embracing, loving, and understanding imperfection can bring freedom 
• Write about the daily adventures of my coffee drinking, Pinterest crafting, Italian Greyhound-ing life (because, let's face it- it's going to happen) 
• Feature posts titled "Daily Imperfections" about what was perfectly imperfect that day 
• Have fun, smile, and laugh about it all! 

For now, my personal goal for this blog is to write about my struggles and successes with perfection along with what might be interesting in my every day life. My tagline for the blog is "Embracing the Imperfect in Every Day." In order to make my own life more fulfilling, I will strive to focus on what can be appreciated in the moment instead of so commonly focusing on what went wrong or what wasn't "right" about the moment. I hope to embrace the imperfect, learn from my mistakes, and have fun while blogging about it. I invite you to join me on the adventure of seeing how freeing imperfections can be!